Moving On

Today has been a little bit better.  Well I should say this afternoon/evening.  After getting our taxes done and finding out that we owe $1400.00 I had a major breakdown which included yelling at poor Jason.  I think he doesn't know what to do with me anymore, I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.  I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.  Thankfully Jason had left so he didn't have to hear my cries.  I begged God to help me and to help me let go. I didn't know what else to do.  I fell asleep crying and slept for about 3 hours.
When I woke up I felt more positive about things and felt I could go on.  So that is that plan, to go on, to hope, pray that we will be blessed with many miracles in the months to come.

With that being said onto ttc.  I am on cd 12.  My monitor has had a high reading for 5 days now and I am hoping that tomorrow it will read peak.  If things work correctly with the monitor it should have 5 days of high readings followed by 2 days of peak readings before it goes back to low. 

BBT is still reading low, indicating that I haven't O'd yet.  It's lower than it has been in the past cycles so I am hoping that it continues to read low for the next day or so.  Which would then line up with when I am expecing to ovulate. 

Still haven't had any BFP's on OPK's but it is still a little early.  Hopefully that will come in the next day or so as well.

I felt very positive at the beginning of this cycle - kind of like this one was going to be the one.  I'm sure that's just wishful thinking on my part, but one can only hope.  I have been having some pains on my right side which I'm not sure if it could be O pains or if it is still pains from the hsg.  Haven't really had any pains on my left side, but I wasn't really expecting to since no dye went to that tube.  I am hoping and praying that my left tube was just having a muscle spasm during the test and that's why it showed blocked.  For right now we are just going with that everything is fine and that it was just a muscle spasm and that it's not actually blocked.  We have an appt. with the RE on the 23rd to discuss everything including surgery.  I am coming up with a list of questions to ask during that appt.  Something just keeps telling me to wait 3 months. I'm not sure why 3 months, but I felt that way prior to the procedure as well.  Some of those questions are whether there is bacteria in my uterus that could have caused the "supposed" blockage and whether that bacteria could spread to my good tube as well.  I also want to ask about losing weight and if that could cause it to show that it was blocked.  After losing weight I would like to have another hsg done to see if that made a difference.  If it didn't then I would probably proceed with the surgery.  Clomid is another thing I want to discuss and whether it will give us a better chance of Oing on my right side.  So right now there are many things on my mind, but overall I just want to get healthier.  I hope that will do the trick. 

Needless to say with possible ovulation coming up, I don't have to tell you all what we will be doing this weekend! lol