Numb

Well today hasn't turned out so great.  I had my HSG and it didn't turn out good.  My left tube is totally blocked.  There wasn't even any dye that went into the tube.  I adjusted my hips, he added more dye, but the dye just kept going into my right tube.  Needless to say I am very upset about this.  I will probably have to end up having surgery to fix the blockage.  Yes I could get pg with just one tube being opened, but it also creates other problems.  I could have problems with the fertilized egg implanting and I would also be at higher risk for a ectopic pregnancy which could cause my good tube to rupture.  I'm really not sure what I want to do.  On one hand I want to wait 2 or 3 months, keep ttc and see what happens, but on the other I just want to have the surgery and get it unblocked.  Even that isn't a guarantee because then I could end up having scaring which could create blockage as well. 

I thought I had hit rock bottom before with AF not starting.  Not so, I'm not sure how much more I can take.  How much does a person have to take?  I can't just grin and bear it anymore and pretend that I am happy.  Would you be happy if your husband had lost his job with not a job in sight and then find out as well that you have a blocked tube and that your chance of getting pregnant just decreased by 50%.  My two greatest fears have happened this year, why can't something go right? I fear that we will never have children, can I handle that?